2. A Walk In The Woods
I wasn't expecting replies for my annual review but I received two. One of which came from Lilly, who wrote, "It's so beautiful to see how much you've evolved since we first met."
This reminded me of a popular personality test that friends and I used to quiz one another. The test, plainly named A Walk In The Woods, required you to visualise walking in the woods and then answer a series of questions along the way. At the end of the exercise, the answers will reveal the values you hold in your personal life. So kinda like tarot minus the esoteric mysticism.
If you're not familiar with it, it goes something like this.
As is often the case with these things, the questions and interpretations may be altered by the person asking. The version I am familiar with, that Lilly once asked me, had me encounter two animals. The first animal I came across was a dog and the second, a caterpillar. I was told afterwards that the first animal represented how I thought people saw me and the second animal was how I saw myself.
"I think what it means to see yourself as a caterpillar is to believe that you're on your way to becoming a butterfly. You're not quite there yet, you're moving but you're moving slowly, you're on the cusp of becoming something beautiful."
Sat in the passenger seat of my car, parked underneath a tree, watching the shadows of the leaves above sway on the dashboard, I held back my tears as I processed her reading. Just a month shy of turning 25, I was a fresh law graduate working at a cafe run by young entrepreneurs who knew next to nothing about starting a business except printing the title 'founder' on their name cards. I was slogging away for measly wages, trying to save up for barbering school. I had recently moved out from the comforts of my dad's and was barely making rent. I had no idea if any of these plans would pan out the way I wanted them to. I only wondered how long I would have to wait before I could look back on this day like a distant memory.
"You're not quite there yet... you're on the cusp..."
Her words reeled in my head. Quite frequently, thoughts of fear, doubt, regret and a host of other debilitating emotions keep me from embracing change. These limiting beliefs often hold me captive in a place that's safe and familiar. But when I find myself in that space between what's no longer serving me and the possibility of what's to come, I know it is time to pluck up courage and step forward.
Six years and one email later, I am reminded of that constant thread of cause and effect in life that remained elusive and obscure in the moment, but now appears obvious in retrospect. I think about the laborious feat a caterpillar has to undergo to transform itself. The metamorphosis unfolding at its own pace, the disintegration and shedding of its old body from the depths of its chrysalis. I think about its emergence from the cocoon, a delicate but mesmerising creature, in perfect confidence and simply taking flight - trusting that all things happen in their own time.
Some interesting things I found worth sharing.
On the subject of becoming first-time founders for new businesses or start-ups, here is some advice from creative tinkerer, Ben Werdmuller. Although my field isn't tech-related, I still found some of this advice to be helpful for possible future ventures.
This piece of writing went straight to my Pocket as the first entry for 2021. Fun, hilarious, and quite touching. My friend, Grace, is a marvel and her talent for story-telling is something to be revered.
In my research into becoming a better writer, I stumbled upon Lydia Davis: Ten of My Recommendations for Good Writing Habits. Her note-taking habit is a writer's version of a public sketch artist and I can't wait to see what sort of stories will unfold from this practice.
It's easy to get caught up in the national feeling of gloom and doom so here's an encouraging tune by a dear friend, Bihzhu to remind us that we are still here, we are alive and that's all that matters.
If you made it all the way here, thank you for reading.
I'm going into my thirties soon and I want to spend the next five to ten years getting better at something I've always been meaning to do but never had the guts to stay on course - writing.
You're welcome to join me on this practice, voyage of discovery, or whatever you want to call it! Do take this as an invitation to write back to let me know if anything resonated with you or if you just want to start a conversation.
Till the next one,
Al